It all began with a walk down the street to a tiny convenience store that had mostly empty shelves and hyper specialised American candy. I was there to buy a vape.

I had left an outdoor table of a tiny pub where a wasted man in a suit tried to pick a fight with my friend and as he went to punch fell under the table. I was stressed. I needed a pick me up and some sort of relief so I just left the table and walked a few blocks down to get a vape.

I unwrapped the packet and held the vape to get a deep suck of some berry flavoured bullshit. As I did this, a guy I had seen around my area walked past me and shook his head in disgust. ‘You shouldn’t be doing that’. I turned, feeling judged and said ‘Hey I don’t usually do this…I uh…I don’t really buy these anymore…I know I should stop.’ I held out my arm in an act of politeness to introduce myself as a neighbour. He stood still, stared at my outstretched arm and didn’t budge. He then met my eyes and said “I only shake the hands of the lord.” “What?” I said. He repeated himself. “What do you meaaaan?” He looked up at the sky, pointed and said ‘haven’t you heard?? and I said “heard what??” And he said “Jesus is coming.”

Suddenly, I was in territory unfamiliar. I was in no man’s land. He talked about tobacco and weed and alcohol and vapes but it was all a blur. I then went ‘Hey my name’s Ursula. I just wanted to introduce myself as I’ve seen you around. He looked at me and said ‘maybe some other time’ and turned and walked away. I went back to the table. The fight was over. But I felt great. I had a vape. And I had a run in with one of God’s true disciples. I immediately went home and designed a shitty shirt with his line so that I could wear it around and hopefully run into him, mostly so I could point at the shirt and say hey this is for you. I wore it around everyday and I never saw him while I was in it. One day, months later, he walked by me and did a double take. He said do I know you? I said yes, you wouldn’t shake my hand. He laughed, and pointed up at the sky and said ‘yeah, that’s right I only shake this guy’s hand. I wasn’t wearing the shirt. It was my only regret. I never saw him again. This shitty t-shirt brand started from that conversation. It was just a joke, and he was the punchline. AMEN.